てあげる, てくれる, てもらう: Which Way Does the Favor Travel?
What is the difference between てあげる, てくれる and てもらう?
Direction. てあげる sends a favor away from you, while てくれる and てもらう both bring one toward you — and those two are separated not by direction but by grammar: with てくれる the giver is the subject (が), with てもらう the receiver is.
Which way does each arrow point?
Every one of these is a て-form verb with a giving or receiving verb stuck on the end. The action doesn't change. What changes is where the kindness lands.
| Form | Arrow | Subject (が / は) | Can it point at me? |
|---|---|---|---|
| 〜てあげる | me / my side → someone else | the giver | Never |
| 〜てくれる | someone else → me / my side | the giver | Always |
| 〜てもらう | someone else → me / my side | the receiver | Always |
Read the last column and you can see why "out, in, receive" only half works. Two of the three arrows point the same way. Direction alone cannot tell くれる from もらう, because they describe the same event — it is only the camera that moves.
So what actually separates てくれる from てもらう?
The particle on the other person.
| Sentence | Subject | Other person | Reading |
|---|---|---|---|
| 先生が教えてくれた | 先生 (giver) | — | "The teacher taught me (kindly)" |
| 私が先生に教えてもらった | 私 (receiver) | 先生, marked に | "I had the teacher teach me" |
Same classroom, same lesson, same benefit to you. くれる puts the spotlight on the other person's kindness; もらう puts it on your receiving. This is why exam items can offer both and only one is right — the sentence has already chosen a subject before you get to the blank.
For the full side-by-side including the polite forms くださる and いただく, see our てあげる vs てくれる vs てもらう comparison. This page stays on the one axis: direction.
Where does the direction actually break?
Here is an N4 item from our bank:
雨の日に、ゆうとが傘を貸し＿＿＿ので、たすかった。
It helped a lot that Yuto lent me an umbrella on a rainy day.
The options are てあげた / てくれた / てもらった / てしまった. Watch how fast the sentence throws three of them out:
| Option | Why it fails or works |
|---|---|
| てあげた | Reverses the arrow — it would mean I lent Yuto the umbrella, which contradicts たすかった |
| てくれた | Correct. ゆうとが is the giver-as-subject, and the favor lands on the speaker |
| てもらった | Needs the speaker as subject and ゆうとに; the stem says ゆうとが |
| てしまった | Right shape, wrong meaning — regret or completion, not a favor |
Notice that you never had to think about politeness or nuance. The particle が on ゆうと settles it. てもらう wants に on the helper; the sentence gives you が, so てもらった is dead before the meaning question even starts.
That is the habit worth building: find the helper, look at their particle. が or は → てくれる. に or から → てもらう. If the helper is you, neither — it's てあげる.
What counts as "my side"?
てくれる and てもらう do not require the beneficiary to be literally you. They require your in-group — the people you're speaking on behalf of.
| Beneficiary | Natural verb | Note |
|---|---|---|
| 私 | てくれる / てもらう | The default case |
| 私の弟, 妻, 子ども | てくれる / てもらう | Family counts as your side |
| うちの会社, our team | てくれる / てもらう | In-group at work |
| A stranger, told neutrally | てあげる or plain verb | No stake, no inward arrow |
This is why 先生が弟に日本語を教えてくれた is fine even though the lesson went to your brother, not you. The gratitude is yours to feel, so the arrow comes in.
The reverse is what makes てあげる risky. Because it announces "I did this for you," saying it to a teacher or a boss can sound like you're billing them for the favor. That isn't a direction error — it's a social one — but it comes from the same arrow.
Frequently asked questions
Can I ever say 〜てあげる about something done for me?
No. あげる can never point back at the speaker. 友だちが手伝ってあげた cannot mean 'my friend helped me' — you need 手伝ってくれた.
If てくれる and てもらう describe the same event, does it matter which I use?
Grammatically yes, because they take different subjects and particles. In feeling, てくれる highlights the other person's kindness and てもらう highlights that you got the help, often because you asked for it.
How do I choose fast under exam time pressure?
Look at the helper's particle first, not the meaning. が or は on the helper points to てくれる; に or から points to てもらう. If the helper is the speaker, it is てあげる.
Is this tested on the JLPT?
Yes, from N5 upward and heavily at N4. Our bank has 47 items that put てあげる, てくれる and てもらう forms against each other in one option set, 26 of them at N4.
What this is based on
- Our dataAcross our 14,035-item bank, 47 questions offer てあげる, てくれる and てもらう forms against each other in the same option set — 26 at N4, 15 at N3, 6 at N5. The N4 item quoted above (q_gf_fill_g0038) is one of them: the stem marks the helper with が, which rules out てもらった on particle grounds alone.Yatta! question bank, 14,035 items · checked 2026-08-11
- Dictionaryくれる is glossed as 'to give; to let (one) have', with the usage note that the receiver must be 'the speaker or someone close to the speaker' — the in-group restriction is part of the dictionary entry, not a teaching heuristic.Jisho — 呉れる · checked 2026-08-11
- Dictionaryもらう is glossed as 'to receive; to take; to accept', with a separate auxiliary sense after a て-form: 'to get someone to do something' — confirming the receiver, not the doer, is the subject.Jisho — 貰う · checked 2026-08-11
- OfficialN4 is defined as the ability to understand basic Japanese, including everyday conversation and material written in basic vocabulary and kanji; the giving-and-receiving auxiliaries fall inside that scope.JLPT official — Levels and linguistic competence · checked 2026-08-11